Ways to Annoy the Harry Potter People
by Lestat Lebrat
Summary: <html><head></head>The title says it all.I am writing a story about how to annoy certain characters from HP</html>
1. Chapter 1: Severus Snape

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter characters JK Rowling does. I do not own any songs or other things in this story except maybe the ideas? No rude comments please!**

**No offense was intended to any individual in the world (If you were offended let me know an I'll happily change whatever it was; language, expressions etc.)**

**LESTAT LEBRAT PRESENTS:**

**Ways to Annoy; Severus Snape; Sirius Black; Remus Lupin; Minerva McGonagall; Alastor Moody; and Harry Potter**

**Chapter 1: Severus Snape**

Tell him he is too serious

Sing "Secret agent man" whenever you see him

Look innocent when he glares at you

Walk into an Order meeting and hug him

Eat the last slice of his favorite cake

Ask repeatedly how he gets his hair so flat

Poke him vehemently with a spoon

Try to find out if he is ticklish

Wake him up at dawn and say "I blew-up that really tricky potion you were making for the past four months"

Hide his wand and don't tell him where it is

Ask in public if he has a son and whether or not you can date that son (Even if he says he hasn't got a son)

Ask him if he's ever considered going to a dating company

Set-up a blind date for him

Ask him if he's gay

Tell all your class mates that he's gay

Set-up a date with a bloke he really hates and compel him to go

Demand to see the dark mark and when you do say "OOOOHHHH! Cool…Bye!"

Follow him around the school

Ask him to sing you a song

When he refuses start to sing Spongebob's F-U-N to him

Tell him that the Jedi's are invading

Run around in a circle around him like a loon and then walk away slowly whistling a happy tune

Call him a bug-eyed, tentacula (Some kind of plant)

Mess-up his private rooms

Put the ingredients to a potion in backwards to see what will happen

Give him a toothbrush for his birthday

Send him random howlers for fun

Make sure he receives above mentioned howlers in the Great Hall

Insist that you are his son/daughter

Call him dad

Give him flowers and apples when you are late for his class

Call his mother to the school

Tell her what a meany your "Dad" is to you

Ask him if he really hates Harry

Tell everyone he is just jealous of Harry

Tell him how he dies in great detail

Repeatedly insist that he is the evil one and you are just an innocent bystander

Ask him how to bake cookies

Impersonate a Swiss chef when you are in his class

Have a karaoke night in the Slytherin common room

Make him sing all the songs

Ask repeatedly when we are going to make an invisible potion of invisibility

Tell him he thinks too much of his teaching skills

Tell the first years he is the voice of God

Tell the first years that if they look Snape in the eyes Skullduggery will come and eat them

Taste all his potions

Put shoes in his potions to give them a "Little kick"

Convince him that he will get Harry expelled if he goes to the lake on Christmas Eve at midnight

Put his cauldron in a microwave to warm-up a potion

Steal all his ingredients

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! There might be more ways to annoy people in the next chapter; Sirius Black. I am only writing as many things I can think of. There will be plenty for Lupin….Mad-eye...McGonagall perhaps? See you next time!

Lestat


	2. Chapter 2: Sirius Black

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter characters JK Rowling does. I do not own any songs or other things in this story except maybe the ideas? No rude comments please!**

**No offense was intended to any individual in the world (If you were offended let me know an I'll happily change whatever it was; language, expressions etc.) **

**Note that when a few are bolded or underlined together then you do them in that sequence**

**LESTAT LEBRAT PRESENTS:**

**Ways to Annoy; Severus Snape; Sirius Black; Remus Lupin; Minerva McGonagall; Alastor Moody; and Harry Potter**

**Chapter 2: Sirius Black**

**Give him a maid outfit for Christmas**

**Look highly upset when he sets it on fire**

Throw sticks for him

Make his bed hangings green and silver

Tell everyone what he is going to do for his next prank

Give him dating tips (As though you don't think he knows anything about dating)

**Insist that Snape secretly digs him**

**Unhelpfully tell him to go to the hospital wing when he abruptly goes green**

Put bows in his hair while he sleeps

Do a spell to stop him from noticing the bows!

**Get into an argument with Sirius' mum**

**Insist that you are winning when he comes to close the curtains**

**Cry when he closes them**

Make friends with Kreacher and ask to hear about Sirius' childhood

Tell Sirius when he's cleaning that he missed a spot

Tel Kreacher that Sirius really does care about him

Follow him and copy his every move

Talk like Yoda whenever he asks a question

**Give him a flea bath**

**Cover him in frontline**

Put Peanut butter on his palate and see him struggle to get it off

Temporarily forget that Sirius is innocent and thereby:

Scream whenever he enters the room

Ask him repeatedly if he likes poodles

**Tell him to "roll over"**

**Tell him to "play dead"**

**When he doesn't do the two above things smack him on the nose with Remus' newspaper**

Tell Harry about Sirius' fleas

Get the Golden Trio to put a flea collar on him

Wake him at ungodly hours

Force him to listen to Mozart

**Refused to let him go to the Order meetings**

**When he asks who gave you the authority to keep him from meetings tell him you are his older sister (Even if you're Harry's age)**

Draw a dark mark on his arm

Demand to know where his secret stock of Firewhiskey is hidden

Tell Harry that Sirius is your Godfather and not his

Inform everyone that you are Sirius' niece

Insist on calling him uncle Siri

**Tell the other teens that Sirius is a vampire**

**Go vampire hunting with the Golden Trio**

**Throw Holy water on Sirius**

**When he hisses at you in annoyance hold up a crucifix and say "Get thee behind me Satan!"**

**Run away from him when he tries to swat you**

**Howl to Mrs. Weasley that he is trying to kill you**

**When Mrs. Weasley has finished yelling at him and takes you to the kitchen for some hot chocolate to make you feel better, smirk at him over her shoulder and stick your tongue out at him cheekily**

**Deny it when he says you stuck your tongue out at him**

**A/N so loved doing this! 'Imperatrix Nyx' and 'Nienna29' were my first reviewers! Thank you so much for reviewing you two! There really isn't much in this chapter but I think there are funnier things for Lupin and Mad-eye!**

**Lestat**


	3. Chapter 3: Remus Lupin

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter characters JK Rowling does. I do not own any songs or other things in this story except maybe the ideas? No rude comments please!**

**No offense was intended to any individual in the world (If you were offended let me know an I'll happily change whatever it was; language, expressions etc.) **

**Note that when a few are bolded or underlined together then you do them in that sequence**

**LESTAT LEBRAT PRESENTS:**

**Ways to Annoy; Severus Snape; Sirius Black; Remus Lupin; Minerva McGonagall; Alastor Moody; and Harry Potter**

**Chapter 3: Remus Lupin**

Ask if he ever had his rabies shots

Refer to his lycanthropy as a 'time of the month' (Only expecting females to get that one!)  
>When he is in a particularly bad mood tell Harry he is PMSing<br>When Harry asks whet PMS is tell him to ask Remus

Put pictures of "hot" female werewolves in his room  
>Insist Sirius did it<p>

Give him a bone

Ask if he was in the movie 'Blood and Chocolate'

Repeatedly tell him not to eat you for whatever you are about to say to him

Dye the grey/silver parts of his hair purple to "see what colour his face will turn"

Chain him to Severus  
>Coo about how handsome Severus makes him look<p>

Give him a tin of big dog food  
>When he looks disgusted offer him Crookshanks<p>

Season his food with wolfsbane

Sneak a flea collar on to him

Give him a fur coat with a note "It's what your mother would have wanted!"

Hide his tea

Put sleeping potions in his tea bags  
>When he complains about falling asleep every time he has a sip of tea glare at Snape and say that he is poisoning Remus<p>

Ask loudly where babies come from. Keep asking him even if he claims he won't tell you.  
>On the off chance he gets frustrated enough to tell you where babies come from (previously mentioned, look offended and claim he's not taking you seriously.<p>

Poke him at random moments, and don't give him a straight answer as to why you are doing it, either.

Get him a Chihuahua puppy named Little Moon

See how many rounds of '100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' he can take before he swears and draws his wand  
>Claim it was you testing his mental endurance. Claim he failed spectacularly.<p>

Tell him you're leaving to see if he cries out of sheer joy.  
>See if he attempts to be polite about you saying you're leaving and tries to say something like too bad, or, I'll miss you, or, You simply must write, or, Send me a postcard!<p>

When he tries to attack you and must be forcefully restrained, sigh and say, "I always said he was insane. I've known it for years," even if you've only met him last month

A/N: Sorry this was soooooo short but it is really hard to come up with ways to annoy such a nice and tolerant man!


	4. Chapter 4: Albus Dumbledore

I do not own Harry Potter, if I did Harry would never had married Ginny! ;)

Bonjour mon amis! J'ai été disparu pour un moment, non? Dear guest I am most amused that you bothered to review with you infantile response. I am most certainly not suicidal and if I was I certainly wouldn't bother writing when I could be killing myself. ;) Plus I am an author! The characters listen to me! I despair of your use of the English language too, my English sucks but I have an excuse! :D For all my POSITIVE reviewers, thank you all for your admiration and encouragement, this update is for my first mystery guest reviewer who I actually know from Pottermore. Enjoy my friend!

Ways to Annoy Albus Dumbledore

Steal his lemon drops

Tell everyone that his eye twinkle was really a candle being lit behind them

Wear long purple robes with yellow bananas and a big hat and fake beard and tell him you want to be just like him one day.

Tell him he became headmaster because he had good looks then give him a once over and laugh hysterically

Repeatedly ask if he ever tips over his beard or robes and act as if you forget the answer every five minutes

Glue feathers to his ears and encourage him to fly

Take him skinny dipping

Smile insanely and if he asks you about it say "Your mummy dresses you funny!"

Give him dread locks

Steal his hat and tie-dye it in a horrible orange and green combo

Wear a crown and declare yourself Emperor of Hogwarts and bribe first years to believe you

When you leave the room grab your broom and yell "to the batmobile!"

Replace his lemon drops with vomit flavoured bertie botts

Draw a moustache on his gargoyle

Offer to roast Fawkes for supper

Shave him completely bald and hide all hair potions and hats

Duel him and shout "may the force be with me!"

Steal his fluffy socks and replace them with Dobbys thin, holey socks!

Tell him McGonagall could do better than him

Place a hammer on his desk during the staff meeting and assure everyone that it is to ensure loyalty. Glare pointedly at Snape.

Tell him Gandalf rocked the beard better

**Plait his beard with his shoe lace while he is sitting at his desk in a meeting**

**Laugh hysterically when he stands up and falls on his face**

**Avoid all attempts at capture**

**Yell in Snapes ear "You'll never take me alive!"**

**Hide behind Dumbledore when Snape fires a nasty curse**

**Giggle feebly when you look at crispy-fried Dumbledore**

Have an argument about something where you are in the wrong; 12+45 is 189 etc.

Give him prunes and lock all the bathrooms; steal his wand so he cannot open them.

Ask why he can't ride eagles off the enemies tower

**Tell him all about L'Oreal hair dye**

**Fell offended when he refuses to use them**

**Spitefully dye his hair red**

**Deny involvement when he accuses you**

**Frame Harry Potter for it **

Enlarge his glasses

Tell him he looks good in the nerdy giant glasses

Act insane and contradict him with everything: "the sky is not blue it is green, the ground is blue silly!"

**AN **Hey! I had a good time writing this although I admit it is the worst yet, it is hard to irritate Dumbledore. Special thanks to my pal from Pottermore, StormRune1505

Lestat Lebrat


End file.
